I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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