WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
