walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
