Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
