Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
