Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
