Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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