Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize