last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
