There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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