i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
