Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
