I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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