The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
do herpes really smell.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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