Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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