There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
