just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This house was built for laser tag.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
