I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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