I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
