i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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