I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
