I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
