mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
