While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
