someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
