at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
