I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
