But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
