How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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