nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize