went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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