I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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