I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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