I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
