Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
