well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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