just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
