I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize