whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Too much gin, very little bucket
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
