The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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