Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
