WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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