I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
how does that bad decision feel?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
