I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
