Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
