We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
