Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
