the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sext me about skeletons
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
