piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize