Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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