Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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