Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
