So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
