i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
