How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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