First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
