i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
