i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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