Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
