There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
