i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
