1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i barfeds in our rink
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
