i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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