I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
