out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
