The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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