Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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