5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I got inside last night via doggy door
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
