i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
