gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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