Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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