You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
