guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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