i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
